Eagles vs. Bears January 6th, 2019

Recent Threads

Summary

11573 total comments

64.29 comments per minute

2118 total authors

5.4641 avg comments each

Game Thread All Stars

MVP

/u/tyranosaurus_vexed

"My tv is stuck in Spanish and Im not gonna lie, its way better than listening to Chris Collinsworth."

"It’s so cool that Foles’s number is the square root of the length of his Johnson."

All-Thread 1st Team

/u/casualkey "Would you rather: Chris Collinsworth gets a flat tire every day for a year or you win $1000 randomly."

/u/Whitealroker1 "Ah fuck its collinsworth. Let me pick out music to play over the audio. Hmmm vulgar display of power Okay something little older seasons in the abyss. Okay that covers the first half."

/u/elhombreleon "WTF NO ONE TOLD ME STUPID FUCKING CRIS COLLINSWORTH WAS GOING TO CALL THIS GAME"

/u/RobertDeNiro007 "Bro who gives a fuck its fake internet points focus on the actual game."

/u/saaaaad_panda "Thats what the fuck Im talking about big dick. Lets go."

Angriest Comments

#1 Anger Score: 0.941855

/u/realSalad02 "ITS FUCKING WORTH IT FUCK THE THIRD ROUND"

#2 Anger Score: 0.940672

/u/PhiladelphiaEagles69 "GET YOUR FUCKING TEMPER UNDER CONTROL YOU SHITBAG"

#3 Anger Score: 0.932848

/u/Blucrasher "I hate Cris Collinsworth. I hate him so goddamn much."

Tentative Comments

#1 Tentative Score: 0.999241

/u/BroccoliRob215 "Can we blitz? Just try it. You might like it"

#2 Tentative Score: 0.998976

/u/ChaosFinalForm "Something something basketball player"

#3 Tentative Score: 0.988397

/u/coopermaneagles "Cant believe people like you presumably graduated any level of education"

Happiest Comments

#1 Joy Score: 0.956015

/u/Abstract__Reality "These beautiful bastards, I love them all"

#2 Joy Score: 0.922036

/u/temple76179 "Alshon has got to be one of the best signings in Eagles history. Fucking amazing."

#3 Joy Score: 0.910242

/u/Apollo_Screed "Agreed, the most evenly matched slobberknocker of the weekend. Good game no matter who wins"

Saddest Comments

#1 Sadness Score: 0.931522

/u/mp455 "I'm literally in tears im crying right now"

#2 Sadness Score: 0.916667

/u/David_Akers02 "Alcohol"

#3 Sadness Score: 0.89589

/u/Ice_Man11 "Thats what my girlfriend told me the other day :("

Confident Comments

#1 Confidence Score: 0.988366

/u/HurricaneHobbs "WE CAN STILL WIN THIS. WE ALL WE GOT. WE ALL WE NEED. LETSSSS GOOOOOO"

#2 Confidence Score: 0.983213

/u/RocketeerHelmet "5 Jerseys coming in the mail. All Tate III"

#3 Confidence Score: 0.962182

/u/theflyersrule "What exactly is a Foles? People will be googling that in the distant future."

Overall Thread Sentiment

14.620% happy comments

20.167% angry comments

Most Positive Author

/u/BlueNuckdGribbleknot, with comments like:
"GABBIGUSECTION 208COME SEE MEI DON'T BITEI GIVE WINE AND GABBIGU TO YOU ALLALREADY SEEN 20 PEOPLEGO BORDS"

Most Negative Author

/u/winnick, with comments like:
"WHY DID YOU RETURN THE FUCKING KICKOFF"

Fucks Given*

*this accounts derivatives of "fuck", which includes "fuuuuuk" and "fook", as well as the phonetic "phuck", and also acronyms such as "wtf" and "gtfo". "Fuck dallas" counts double, as per tradition.

1668 Fucks Given through 14.3484% of comments, at a rate of about 9.27 FPM

This was a high fucks-given rate game thread. Here's an example:

/u/2stopsLower "FUCK MEEEEEEEEEEE FUCK THIS GAME ITS TOO DRAINING EMOTIONALLY FUCK FUCK"


Top Bomb Droppers

1./u/Domestic_AA_Battery gave 29 fucks.

2./u/32BitWhore gave 22 fucks.

3./u/mtmodi gave 22 fucks.


The Heros We Need: /u/aliaswyvernspur /u/donosaur66 /u/Teddy_Man /u/cmarks8 /u/Dabum17 all reminded us to "fuck dallas".