Eagles vs. Redskins

/r/eagles Game Thread Analysis
September 8th, 2019

Recent Threads

Summary

10876 total comments

60.42 comments per minute

1762 total authors

6.173 avg comments each

Overall Thread Sentiment

14.28% happy comments

Most Positive Author

/u/Domestic_AA_Battery, with comments like:
"No reason this can't be another Super Bowl season. Here we go."

18.75% angry comments

Most Negative Author

/u/Ultimate_Macgyver, with comments like:
"I CANT EVEN HEAR YOUR VOICE KEVIN BURKHARDT BUT STILL FUCK YOU"

Game Thread All Stars

MVP

/u/Domestic_AA_Battery
202 Comments
Positivity Score: 31.71
Negativity Score: 23.28

"Our players are literally looking around during plays with no clue what their role is lol"

"I'm going to jerk off to this game."

"I usually just sit quietly and shout into my phone with text. I literally started screaming "YESSS! GOOOOOO!!!" My throat is shot lmao"

"If we somehow lose it'll be all on Vaitai"

All-Thread 1st Team

/u/dart278 "'hey /u/dart278, how do u get comment karma?' easy my child, watch this: FUCK CHIP KELLY"

/u/Rickrollyourmom "Did Howard fuck Doug's wife or something?"

/u/Wanadan24 "Game day threads and overreacting, name a better duo."

/u/waltpsu "I’m here to overreact"

/u/ButtermilkPants "Bout to watch the hell out of this game like my name’s Adrian Peterson."

F-Bombs Dropped*

*this accounts derivatives of "fuck", which includes "fuuuuuk" and "fook", as well as the phonetic "phuck", and also acronyms such as "wtf" and "gtfo". "Fuck dallas" counts double, as per tradition.

1442 Fucks Given through 13.26% of comments, at a rate of 18.88 FPM

This was a high fucks-rate game thread. Here are some examples:

/u/homercrates "fuck chip kelly.oh and fuck dallas."

/u/rutlander "Fucking Charles Davis dude we have no idea wtf youre talking about"

/u/canes24 "Still can't get over Josh Norman diving like fucking Michael Phelps out hereTaking away our boy Miles' first TD"

/u/Genjoi "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!"

Top Bomb Droppers

/u/NickFolesdong gave 23 fucks.

/u/Domestic_AA_Battery gave 20 fucks.

/u/TheNewGuy13 gave 16 fucks.

Angriest Comments

#1 Score: 0.977638

/u/dimapitt "I'm angry at our reddit fanbase for being whiney as shit."

#2 Score: 0.960038

/u/jayzee1138 "I love Sproles but I fucking hate how Doug uses him. Doug is always so fucking cute just run a fucking normal play or yknow call a downfield pass. Same shit as last year."

#3 Score: 0.871162

/u/alakaboem "I HAVE TOO MANY FUCKIN SCREENS UP RIGHT NOW HELP"

Tentative Comments

#1 Score: 0.999484

/u/ChocolatePoo82 "Shrug. Not even mad. Just... whatever."

#2 Score: 0.991756

/u/tonyklol "i dont know how alshon does it"

#3 Score: 0.991187

/u/smokehella "i swear the chemicals in my brain are never quite as volatile or intense as when Im watching the eagles. Its like puberty or something."

Happiest Comments

#1 Score: 0.958723

/u/Calcutta637 "his is the greatest thing ever. Im so happy"

#2 Score: 0.904186

/u/CalamumAdCharta "I'd recommend Canada. English speaking, close, and a lot of fun. If you want to challenge yourself, go to old Quebec City. Beautiful city with a lot of cool history, but a small language barrier. They do speak English proficiently, but where is the fun in that?"

#3 Score: 0.903659

/u/Shawno6589 "I dont have anything constructive to say at the moment, but Im just really happy at this current moment."

Saddest Comments

#1 Score: 1.000

/u/Koseph "I am sad."

#2 Score: 0.923273

/u/BerriesNCreme "Jags broke BDN already :("

#3 Score: 0.810715

/u/GingaNinjaQQQ "I genuinely hope Schwartz is a depressed alcoholic or some shit"

Confident Comments

#1 Score: 0.99623

/u/ImmortalSanderCohen "Very high IQ with that timeout. Totally outsmarted them"

#2 Score: 0.995186

/u/Dakota360ci "Fletcher Cox. That is all."

#3 Score: 0.985006

/u/HumanShadow "Nick can have my shoulder. It's a body part I'm confident I can actually replace for him."

Alcohol References

244 drink references

/u/Igglezandporkrollplz "10:13 am on the west coast and already pounding medicinal beers"

/u/Ive_Forgotten_Why "Oh boy, I am not drunk enough for this right now,"

/u/Ive_Forgotten_Why "I am now drunk enough for this shit!"

/u/Johns-Roast-Pork "I didnt plan on drinking excessively hard at 1:30pm today. I wanted to ease myself into it since Ill be drinking all day for Sunday football. **WELP**. The Birds had different plans, and now I need to drink excessively hard. Thanks **a lot** to our garbage as fuck secondary, and more specifically Sendejo."